Figure it Out

You know how they say that time will heal all wounds? Well, I would like an extra dose of that medicine, please. I am slowly figuring out that I am going to be okay. I have been reassured by my friends and family that life on my own is what I've been doing before him and can do after him. I am strong, and sometimes it is all too easy to forget that. It hurts, but God granted me a huge bandaid, (I like to think that it has Batman on it) in the form of loved ones surrounding me.
I shall never regret loving, nor should I, but now I am free to love even more so. I have learned so much from this situation and I understand more now how to gently pull my heart back into my own hands. I am in control of my own feelings, thoughts and actions. Therefore, I shall carefully, gradually and continuously reallocate those towards the neglected channels in the forms of my homework, friends and job here at my University.
Life goes on. We're the better for it. Never regret; always forgive.
Life, love and the pursuit of happiness? I don't know; but I'm figuring it out.

My favorite song keeping my dreams alive

Carla Bruni's version of "You Belong to Me"

Everything

The way we were seemed perfect
Who we were felt right
The future laid so clearly
Then blindsided without a fight.

I understand that you love me
I've shown I love you, too.
So why choose this path that's turning
and pushing me away from you?

No matter what, I told you,
I will stand by your side.
You promised me the world and more
I had your heart and you had mine.

Then comes our anniversary
For me, brings memories and smiles
I had no idea your pain
Was so great with all these miles.

I thought I knew your heart so well
Your very thoughts, they spoke to me
You proved me truly wrong today.
Said that we could no longer be.

My darling, I still love you so.
I'm convinced that you do, too.
Will pushing me away right now
Just reignite the fire in you?

Somehow, I will accept this news,
Though understanding cannot be.
Babe, you weren't my everything,
But you are everything to me.

The Cure? Culture Shock 3.0

I have found that the best way to cure my culture shock so far is a short list of Bethany Habits. Some come naturally and some are being purposefully created. Whatever the beginning might be, I have the same end in mind: normality. (However, I still can't identify if that's a reasonable or even desirable goal. Perhaps I should shift that to comfortability or belonging, since neither of those have been achieved as of yet).

1.) Fill your schedule. If you're busy enough, you won't have as much time to miss what you left behind. This works most of the time until you have a mental breakdown because you're overwhelmed and suffering from culture shock. In my life, this seems to be a common issue. Therefore, I move on to step two.

2.) Avoid pictures and conversations with those you met abroad; wanderlust will only return at this point. I have failed with this idea, mostly because I think it's unhealthy. Granted, I yearn even more for my home in France when I sift through old photos and Skype with my buddies from abroad but, without doing so, I feel like I would be denying new pieces of myself that I just acquired. If I just bought a new book, I will want to read it even if it reminds me that I can't go back to that store I love so much for a very long time. Not doing so would be ignorant.

3.) Do not search to see how much flights cost to return. I have also failed at this. I search about once a week to see just how much effort, how many extra shifts and how much time off I would need to return to answer the call of my heart to that land far away.

4.) Hide your passport from yourself. This is a great tool if you tend to try to use it too often and are thus suspected of terrorism or at the very least suffering from over-wanderlust syndrom. In my case, it was a joy of looking over my arrival stamps, so I hid it in a "very safe place" that I am still trying to recall.

5.) Hang out with international students and do cultural things. This will indeed help you to feel as if you have switched shoes and can now properly welcome newcomers to your home culture. This is also a great resume builder and eye-opener to the world surrounding. However, it will also increase your urge to follow them back to their countries of origin in order to experience yet another adventure. Deny this if you ever want to lose the culture shock. Accept it it you want to thrive in a global world and to continue on the crazy train. (I chose the latter route).